Creating Boundaries at Work

I recently hosted a group of career coaches for an evening of professional development and camaraderie. We went around the room and suggested topics for our next meeting. One of the coaches recommended discussing boundaries as this was an area where she was having some challenges. “Is it okay to socialize with a client, does this change our coach/client dynamic?” was how the question was posited.

This got me thinking about how I have created boundaries with my clients. I have had clients who have become friends (a few, and more like acquaintances of whom I am very fond); friends who are clients; and clients who are spouses or friends’ children. This can make for some potentially sticky situations, but I try to be crisp with my boundaries and make them clear to my clients. 

The “client who becomes a friend” scenario does not happen all that often with me. This in NOT because I don’t like my clients, I often do like them very much and they might be people I would choose to be friends with under different circumstances. I have an unwritten rule that I won’t socialize with a client until after we finish working together. In my opinion, it would change the dynamic between us to socialize while working together. A friendship is a two-way street and a coaching relationship is not. My attention is fully focused on the client’s life and issues, not on mine. I share about my life or experiences only if it is germane to what the client and I are working on. More likely than not a client knows little to nothing more about me than they can read in my bio or LinkedIn profile. For me, this is an important distinction and creates a necessary, professional boundary between us.

Friends who become clients can be trickier. I set up our relationship boundaries very clearly from the first session. We can spend no more than 5 minutes at the beginning of the session on “social life” (i.e. “how was your weekend”; “where are you headed for vacation”; “did you get the email about Jane’s birthday”). After the social niceties, I transition us to business and treat my friend in the same way I would treat any other client. My open-ended questions remain open-ended and I try very hard to not make assumptions on what my friend’s answer is going to be even if I know her well. I give homework as I would to any other client and am not afraid to keep my friend/client accountable for her progress. These relationships have paid wonderful dividends for me and have been a great source of referrals as well.

Lastly, clients who are (young adult) children of my friends. I work with a lot of clients aged 20-30. This is the same demographic as my children, so I tend to see a lot of young adults through parents who know me and hire me to work with their college or post-college age kids. I LOVE working with this age group and always let the parents know that their child is my client and that my relationship with them is built upon mutual trust so I will not “report” back to the parent on the child’s progress UNLESS I get permission from the child. This boundary allows me to build my own rapport with the client (young adult) without having to tie this into parental wishes. Often times clients are fighting against parental expectations and it is important for me to be a neutral party for them.

Need help building boundaries in your job or workplace? I’d be happy to hear more about it! Contact me at: pamela@pamelaweinberg.com